The Visual8

Your grandmother cooks by feel.

She never pauses to remember. She does not have to. This act of love is a part of her very being. It is the summary of her experience: making the dish over and over again.

When you ask for the recipe, she stares blankly. There never was one. She learned from her mother before.

Your mentor is the same.

She accomplished many things, rose to a senior level, and speaks with a level authority. Her history is accomplished but not documented.

You want to get better. You see something in them that is not in you. You find your way into her calendar. Your expectations are high. And yet, just before the third meeting in the series, she cancels.

She’s challenged with so many things. There are no re-bookings.

You give her space because you are patient. And yet, you look inward for what you could have done better.

The reality is that this experience is normal. It is the result of very busy people who haven’t formalized a process for mentoring. So you will have to take on more in the relationship. You will have to provide the structure and the energy to make it easy for them to share their wisdom.

Consider these 10 tips on getting the most out of the mentoring experience.

1. Treat their time more precious than yours.

It is very likely that the 30 minute meeting you have with them is sandwiched between high-intensity discussions on far different topics. When they arrive to the call, they are going to be context switching from those mission critical matters.

Which means you need to own the agenda for the call. And like other meetings you run, the intended outcome should be defined up front.

2. Keep it time bound.

Avoid the mistake of asking for mentoring relationship without an end date. Permission gets easier when the mentor knows what you want to learn and their time commitment in the process.

Too often calendars reflect priorities of the past, not priorities of the present. Don’t contribute to the congestion.

Urgency drives focus, as well. That will work to your advantage.

3. Prepare for the journey.

Just as you pack your bag for a trip, so, too, plan your mentoring journey. Consider how many touchpoints you will have. Could you describe the narrative arc of the series? What happens in the first act, second act, and third act of the play? How might one meeting lead to the next meeting?

This level of structure helps set expectations with your mentor. And while you may not know the actual substance of a meeting 6 months from now, you may know that it involves a report out on a key initiative.

4. Show up with your homework complete.

Every session, your mentor will share a perspective. Something that has worked for them. Or something they suggest you try. Your very next meeting is when your homework is due. Your job is to not only do the work, but to succinctly describe what you learned.

This proves that you are not wasting their time. Expect the preparation to take 2-4x the amount time you will have to report out.

A format that seems to work well is to bullet out two different lists: what is working; what is not working. Remember to include risks (not working) and upside (working) in your account. This shows future oriented thinking.

5. Ask. Then ask to watch.

Early in the relationship you might have a list of questions on your mentor’s accomplishments. To get to the essence of how they overcame shortfalls in themselves and overcame the factors in the situation.

Your next set of questions center on how they see you overcoming similar challenges.

After you demonstrate that you can follow through, ask to ride shotgun in their car. This means attending every call as an observer. Ideally in person. For as many days they can afford.

In-person is far better than remote. Just know that this level of intimacy requires earning a fair degree of trust. So plan for later in the journey.

Be sure to debrief with your mentor on what you observed each day.

6. Be the return on their investment.

When you do the hard work, you pay your mentor back for their time. Remember they took a chance on you. They spent time with you and not on someone else. This is time they will never get back. Prove that they invested well.

You may not feel that big changes occurred on your side. That you still struggle with getting to your stated goals. That is natural.

Your job is to show your mentor that you internalized their teachings. That you changed your behavior. They know big changes happen slowly.

7. Remember it’s about the network.

One of the most important career features are the people you know. The ones that will pick up on the first ring.

Your mentor has many of them you need to know. However, your mentor’s contact list is not for sale.

When you do the work, you earn permission to ask for the referral. “Who do you know that could provide more perspective on this topic?”

8. Let go of expectations.

If you like to plan the work and then work the plan, this will be hard. Being receptive to the unexpected is a skill you need to undertake.

When your mentor wanders from the topic, pay attention. Try to uncover why this became so important just now. It might be tangent to what they are wrestling with themselves. It might be an echo to a prior drama. A kind of warning you need to pay attention to.

9. Write to reflect.

Writing is refined thinking. It is what Bilbo Baggins does after his journey with the Dwarves in The Hobbit. In fact, the premise of the book is that The Hobbit is a travel log.

Like other journals, there are surprise conclusions. Something that the subconscious mind knows but the conscious mind hasn’t been aware. When you take up the effort to reflect on the adventure, you provide an opportunity to integrate those experiences.

10. Find someone to help.

Paying it forward is another way to express it.

Remember that you are a part of a continuum in life. There are others that came before you and those who will come after you.

It is more than a genetic lineage. It is a wisdom lineage. Give of yourself to be the best version of yourself.

This is not only rewarding, it is a way to learn how to be a better mentee.

Don’t wait for some magic inflection point down the line. You are ready now.

These ten are just the start.

Preparing your mentor may feel weird. It may feel presumptive.

Having the honest conversation up front with someone you respect might just be the secret to a long term relationship.

And if your are lucky, some brilliant talent is going to ask for your time. When that does happen, you will be better prepared to hand over the recipe.