The Visual8

Robert F. Winch was interested in how people selected life partners.

In 1954, he authored The Theory of Complementary Needs in Mate-Selection: An Analytic and Descriptive Study. It is considered the first written account for the theory that “opposites attract.”

An interesting catch-phrase that gets thrown around like chicken feed on a farm.

A simple observation of magnets reinforce this concept. When the positive of one magnet meets the negative of another, they fly though space to lock into a kiss stronger than gravity.

However, Winch was not fixated on opposites.

He was in search of compatibility. Those factors that made us feel aligned with another.

In years that followed, Filter Theory became the operating word in psychology circles that discuss this topic.

Research by Angela Bahn, Associate Professor at Wellesley College, reaffirmed earlier work that similarities have stronger statistical significance in mate matching. Much stronger than opposites.

It documented how matching values and beliefs play a significant role in the decision making process.

Yet, it’s less common to hear about that from people who talk about their mates.

Even though social media carries the reputation of creating echo chambers, we don’t connect affinity matching with our own preferences.

Whiskey Sommeliers know a thing or two about similarities and differences.

The role of a Whiskey Somm when pairing food with whiskey is to look for key features that work well together. They are quite conscious of the THREE pairing types.

The first two align with the psychological theories mentioned above.

Contrast pairings intentionally align the bold with the mild.

They stand out in the crowd like celebrity couples with drastic height differences.

The premise is to distinguish one element by pairing with an opposite. If the whiskey is delicate and nuanced, then put an extra sharp piece of cheddar into the mix.

The second method is called accentuation.

This method is to stack one feature on top of another to increase the effect.

For example, rye whiskey is notoriously “Lemon Pledge” on the nose. Cozy it up with a slice of lemon meringue pie to deepen the effect. Double the lemon, double the intensity.

In physics, this is constructive interference. Waves from two points of the same type increases the amplitude.

Study Picasso’s Blue Period and you’ll get a visual of this amplification in color.

Now move beyond the obvious into the third method for pairings.

Move beyond finding things the same or it’s opposite. Enter the rich world of complements.

That which goes together like hot dogs at a ball game. Popcorn at a movie. Or iced tea on a porch.

Complements are social constructs that we have come to enjoy year after year. Like Pumpkin Spice during the Autumn. Red roses on Valentines. Or twinkly lights at Christmas-time.

In terms of whiskey, find a dram featuring baking spices like cinnamon and nutmeg. Then pair that up with sliced apples on graham crackers. It’s like a deconstructed apple pie.

Your invitation is to compliment your partner by focusing on the complements.

Forget the temptation to focus on the differences. Ignore the commonalities that you see reflected in each other.

Talk about the complements. That which is more than the sum of the whole.

Imagine this as a description of song and dance. One artist playing music, the other moving his or her body. Either one a delight. Together it’s magic.

It gets the electrical charge because it features the harmonics of the relationship. That invisible connection between two souls. The third that two do make.

That may be more uncommon and more difficult to do.

But it will also be more engaging and more honorable way to talk about your partner.